"To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."

"I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn."

"All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?' I'm trying to impress people here, Lisa. You don't win friends with salad."

"What good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man?"

"I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich."

"I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here."

"In the begining there was nothing, and it exploded."

"Where we have strong emotions, we're liable to fool ourselves."

"To believe in yourself and to follow your dreams, to have goals in life and a drive to succeed, and to surround yourself with the things and the people that make you happy - this is success!"

"There is one rule for the industrialist and that is: Make the best quality of goods possible at the lowest cost possible, paying the highest wages possible."

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."

"When a miracle happens, even if not to you, its nature is to naturally expand. You can almost feel the warmth on your face."